UU Guide to Wiping

This guide was invented on my former guilds forums (started by my brother) back pre-BC.  I just thought I’d share it with you.

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I know all of you out there feel very strongly about epic loot, and leveling and so on…but let’s not forget what WoW is really all about. Wiping.

Recently, I have noticed that certain legacy guild members have been failing in this respect. My guess is that they are suffering from a case of ‘level 60 boredom’, but it is possible that the newer guild members have been bad influences on them. With that in mind, here are some helpful tips.

Now, I don’t want to brag or anything, but I am really good at wiping. I think I have really pushed the game’s creative boundries in this respect. However, it is possible that I have overlooked a few key wiping techniques. I would invite my fellow guildies to add to this post if I have missed something.

#1) Don’t install/use/listen to TeamSpeak
This is really essential to the classic wipe. Communication may seem like a good idea at first, as it allows you to hear your fellow players farting, struggling to breathe or eating cheetos. Unfortunately, there are some negative side effects. TeamSpeak also allows party members to quickly coordinate and strategize – the cornerstones of the ‘wipe free’ guild run. It should be avoided at all costs. If you are forced to install TeamSpeak, be sure you use some kind of walkie talkie or speak and spell for your microphone. You could also turn your mic sensitivity way down so no one can hear you, but be sure you turn it way up again if you remove/adjust your mic for some reason – the sound of headset adjustment is the sound of the experienced WoW wiper.

#2) Follow the enemy
See that zomboid? He probably has four or five silver on him, and possibly two bits of runecloth. Tempting, isn’t it? Now your first instinct may be to try and pull that juicy melon back into the *ahem* safe area you have recently cleared. ROOKIE MISTAKE. You need to head back to IF and respek with a few talent points in the ‘basic manners’ tree. Did you ever consider how lonely that zomboid must be? It is much more neighborly to fight him amongst friends. If you’re lucky, he’ll reward you with a little ‘fear’, which is zombie speak for ‘bring more friends to the party’. For added effect, throw down some AoE while you’re running about. Well wiped my friend! Now you’re getting the hang of it!

#3) Ramps are your friends
Ramps are the wiper’s best friend. What’s up at the top? Who knows! The only way to find out is to get your ass up there!

#4) Green Clouds hide treasure
Sometimes stupid zombies fart or something before they die. Don’t be a sucker! There may be <!– pic1 = new Image(64,64); pic1.src=”http://wow.allakhazam.com/images/icons/INV_Misc_QuestionMark.png&#8221;; //–>[Ornate Greaves of the Monkey] or some <!– pic2 = new Image(64,64); pic2.src=”http://wow.allakhazam.com/images/icons/INV_Misc_QuestionMark.png&#8221;; //–>[Morning Glory Dew] in there! If you don’t get it now, it will probably disappear!

#5) Only suckers repair before a run
See that friendly lil’ red suit of armor in the corner? He’s kinda like a pet. If you repair, it is kinda like banishing him. It is way easier to wipe when eveyone has their red armor pet out.

#6) Bust that poly/sap/sleep/shackle (This is my area of expertise.)
Sometimes your guildmates may try to hog an enemy all to themselves. I read on the internet that they get more experience or something. The best thing to do is lay down some AoE. Look for the red X. Know anything about treasure maps? The red X is Blizzard’s way of showing you which guy has the most runecloth.

#7) Don’t wait for the healer
We all know that Preists are lazy…They hardly ever even hit anything. I have yet to see one cast a single frostbolt. What the heck do they need mana for?

Again…I don’t want to brag or anything, but I’m so good at this that Clorox is naming their next disinfecting wipe ‘Neal’. That said, I may have missed a few here. Feel free to add.

#8) Don’t attack the tank’s target.
When the tank pulls an enemy, everyone seems to ignore that other guy that comes running in after him. He lives a lonely, pitiful life and you must put him out of his misery. Now. This is especially true if you wear cloth or leather gear.

#9) Again, attack all sapped, slept, poly’d, banished, rooted, shackled, and trapped enemies.
It bears saying twice so trust me on this one. The person that CC’d that mob? Their finger slipped and accidently hit that button. They didn’t mean to do it, but sometimes these things happen. Help them out and break the CC. Use the least powerful attack though so that you don’t get attacked. They want to go thank that squishy caster by hitting them a few times.

#10) Don’t wait for sunder armors.
You need to start attacking right away so that you’ll be way up on the damage meters. Go all out right from the start. In fact don’t wait for the warrior to even get there first. Don’t let that guy attacking with a single 1-handed weapong fool you, he just wants to get a few swings in before everyone else so that he’s higher on the chart. Besides if you don’t, your healers will only have to target one person. They get really bored doing that so make sure you do your part to get agro. You will know you have done everything correctly if the boss is running around so fast that the tank can’t catch him.

#11) Blame the hunter’s pet.
It doesn’t matter if there isn’t one in your group. You need to build up peoples mistrust in pets, especially in light of the great beastmaster talent tree that’s coming out. You don’t want those pets taking away precious damage points by killing things faster.

#12) Nick knows what he’s talking about.
Never mind about mum. Or his job. Or the acute jabs from his blazing intellect. He knows exactly where to drop down to get everyone killed. Completely ignore Sean if you know whats good for you, unless he’s been drinking.

#12) Booze.
Drink it. And not just in the game. All the time, everytime. Playing sober is for nibs… nubs… newbs… hic. Heh, newbs sounds like boobs. And did you know that having your character drink in-game will lower the level of all the mobs? Try it!

#13) Take a break.
People go through instances too fast, you need to make sure they slow down. Wait until all the casters have finished drinking and the tank is ready to pull before you tell everyone you need to /afk to get some water or use the bathroom. And if someone else is already /afk, wait until they’re back and ready before you go. Sometimes its also a good idea just to walk away from the keyboard with out telling anyone so that they can have a greater challenge for the next pull.

#14) Drinking revisited.
Casters always have enough mana. If you’re the tank, don’t bother to wait until they’re done drinking to pull. If you’re a caster, don’t bother to drink. You have talents that allow % regen while in combat right? Thats plently enough. And if you do somehow manage to get oom, just start drinking and don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret.

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#643) Try random and risky tactics often, and don’t worry about informing your party.

“Hey guys I’m gonna try something watch out”

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#666) “Hanking”
One of the best and funnest parts of playing the game is the suspense of not knowing whether you’ll be able to down a boss or for that matter a simple group of trash mobs. Because suspense adds so much more fun to the game, it’s often a good idea to do something called “Hanking” which involves, basically, turning off your computer right before the peak of a fight. Alternatively, you can simply unplug your ethernet cable and plug it back in five to ten minutes later. Another great idea is to stop moving completely during the big fight, announce that you’re either going on a “bio break” or that you have an important phone call to make (teleconferences are best). At this point, just type /afk and watch the joy it brings your fellow party members.

#667) “Last Man Standing”
This one is related not only to Hanking, but of course also to wiping in general. In the event that the entire group–with the exception of you–has wiped, you need to be sure to do what you can to let the fun continue. Imagine this scenario: The big boss is down to 2% health, you have a decent amount of health/mana and no cooldown on your major healing/mana potions and everyone but you and the boss have just died. At this point, do not finish off the boss. Do not use auto-attack or any special abilities. The best thing you can do for your group is frantically run around, preferably into a nearby remaining group of mobs so that they can help finish you off.

#668) “Five Men Enter, One Man Leaves”
Now, imagine this scenario: During a boss fight, everyone in your group has died with the exception of a hunter and a “squishy” (hopefully a mage). It is within the remaining two’s abilities to down the boss if they really start pumping out some dps. Now, as a hunter, your best bet is to make sure your pet can hold aggro, but don’t use autoshot or special abilities. Make sure your pet dies – this is vital! Since you haven’t been attacking, the boss will go for the mage (hella dps) next. At this point, it is safe for you to /y “How long’s the ice block gonna last, little guy??!” and Feign Death in a safe place. After the mage is down, the boss will reset, and you can safely get up and brag to your party members about how you’ve once again avoided costly repair bills.

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Game pro pro tip:

#1337) Take off all your clothing mid-instance and dance like an idiot.

Instances are really just big parties. And like any good party, nudity is a must. When everyone’s taken a few minutes to go get a tastey beverage or relieve themself this is the time to strip down and bust-a-move. If you see a wandering eye, hell, just invite him over ’cause those eyes can totally get down.

#57) The stealth /AFK

Informing others that you’re away from the keyboard is never a good idea. Better to just set yourself to follow. Hey, they wouldn’t have put it in the game if they didn’t want you to follow people right? Even in an instance with snares/traps.

#424) Tanks don’t charge.

It’s unseemly. Just don’t do it. Why would you want to build up rage/hate with mob or a boss and possibly stun them allowing other party members to get in their shots? Your party members will never understand you like the mob does. They won’t be there at 3am while you’re watching Steel Magnolias and crying your eyes out. But the mob will.

#334) Don’t enable weak healers.

Let’s be honest, healers need to toughen up. At all costs don’t draw mobs off your healer. Really, healers are just big wimps. They need to toughen up. So when your healer starts screaming “PEEL!” just mute them on teamspeak (A-HA! Tricked you! You shouldn’t be using Teamspeak! Rule #1! Unless you can’t hear anyone at all, then it’s ok.) By letting healers fend for themselves against mobs they’ll grow stronger as a person and eventually thank you for making them a man. Like my father always said “Shut up sissy-boy! Quit being such a wussy!”

#99) Be an individual.

Sure you’re a member of a “guild”, doing an instance with your “group” but you’re a unique flower all the same. You don’t need to follow the group route or play their silly game. You should feel free to wander off or ahead by yourself with little or no regard for what your party is doing.

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15) Plenty of room.

That group over in the corner? Do your best to edge closer. You can’t always count on the mobs to fear you into the group, and hey, even if they do fear you you’ve got 360 degrees where you might run. The closer you are to the group, the better chance you have of running in their direction. And for heaven’s sake don’t let anyone pull back!

16) Far enough

An advanced technique, far enough is when you arbitrarily decide that “pulling back” means exactly seven inches. You shouldn’t be pulling back in the first place, but if someone manages it, it’s best to stop and fight as far foreward as you can. Bonus points for getting knocked off of the bridge you were pulling over to begin with.

17) Why wait?

If you’re ranged dps, this is your version of “far enough”. You see, when you’re pulling the mob back, as long as you’re in the right place it doesn’t matter if the mob is. Stand just in front of the tank, who is waiting for the mob to reach him, and lead in with all your damage. If you’re good at it, the tank won’t be able to draw aggro off of you or your party members afterwards. Because hey, when the first frostbolt flies it’s free game, right? And why would the tank want aggro anyway? doesn’t he wear all that bulky armor to avoid damage in the first place?

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#7) GO FASTER!
Come on people! I have to get back to IF and check my Runecloth auctions. If your’e a tank, take some initiative and start chain pulling. If you aren’t a tank, take some initiative start chain pulling. If your party isn’t chain pulling fast enough, just run around and AoE random groups of mobs. Remember…WIPING TECHNIQUES STACK IN PATCH 1.13!!!!!!111!!! This tactic also plays into #7) Don’t wait for the healer, #3) Ramps are your friends.

#8) GO SLOWER!
Come on people! All this pulling and progress is screwing up a) the frozen pizza I just put in b) the regularity of my bathroom pissing schedule c) the regularity of my beer drinking schedule d) the schedularity of my reging drinkule…(ok, maybe it ishin’t interfering with letter ‘d’ very much…hic!) Regardless, WE-ARE-MOVING-TOO-FAST! We need to step back for a minute and smell the Arthas Tears. Ponder that approaching pat. Take a moment to open your character pane and rotate him/her all around. Tinker with your key bindings. Alt-tab out to check your fantasy football standings. SCOUT! SCOUT! SCOUT! Get stealthed and get out there! We need to know the level/class/hairstyle of every mob. AND DON’T FORGET TO SCOUT BACKWARDS! You will know if you are pacing yourself correctly if mobs start popping up behind you.

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#0 – If you read this post, we wipe.

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4 Comments

  1. Mania’s Arcania » BRK Wipes said,

    […] then Znodis went and added his own: UU Guide to Wiping. SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: “BRK Wipes”, url: […]

  2. should i say? said,

    I regularly utilise a fair few of the above mentioned techniques and can attest to the effectivness of them as strategical battle plans.

  3. jj said,

    Next time i get kicked for this may i blame u?

  4. Reylas said,

    Hahah bloody hillarious mate. So posting this on the guild forums so help justify my uber wiping skills.

    Seriously though, very funny ;)

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