Why I don’t raid anymore.

January 11, 2008 at 1:53 pm (Warcraft, World of Warcraft)

I know I said I was taking a break, but once I got thinking about this, I just had to write it down to get it out of me.

There’s a post on TKAsomething, where a raider was asking what he should do since his raiding schedule has been reduced due to real life issues. He’s feeling that he’s being left behind. I just wanted to warn about the idea of flat out dropping raiding for more than a month or 2.

Way back, my guild was on MC and starting BWL. I was doing 2 of the 3 raids every week and the officers liked my skills enough to over look my green gear even at that progression stage. I was even helping the class leader with itemization priority issues and helping recruits gear up. Then, my baby girl arrived, and raiding was flat out.

I still showed up for an hour or two a couple nights a week to shoot the breeze and was very active on the guild forums. Durning that time the guild also hit a road block in progression and had to rebuild a bit. I got an occasional /w from a new person, but it still felt like my guild.

Eventually, I talked my wife into giving me a night each week where I had no baby responsibilities. Excited, I signed up for the next raid night. The guild was actually not as progressed as before and was doing onyxia and starting MC, when I had previously done Domo/Rag/Razorgore for several months and I had gotten my Rhok in that time, so I thought I was in for sure. Logged in an hour early, asked where we were meeting (thereamore), and was told invites would go out according to forum sign-ups (I was the second hunter to sign after the new CL). We also only had a 40 spot vent server so only raiders were allowed to be on.

I wait. About 30min before start people show up, I ask my class leader if invites are going out and he says only CLs right now. I wait a few min, more show up. I went to check mail and get my pots. It’s still 10min before raid time, but when return to the FP meet area, everyone is gone. I /w my CL and ask what happened

CL: “You had to sign up on the forums.”

Me: “I did its 2 posts after yours.”

CL: “oh… who are you again.”

Me: “I’m Znodis. Same name as used on the forums.”

CL: “Well, sign up for tomorrow and I’ll make sure you get in.”

Me: “I can’t go tomorrow. I only get one night a week to off to play.”

CL: “Hold on we’re starting our attempt.”

<15min later>

CL: “We wiped. I talked to the RL and he says you can swap before MC.”

Me: “Cool.”

<I wait 45 min more in Thereamore before realizing people would hearth to IF instead of taking the boat to get to MC.>

/who CL
>CL 60 (hunter) <guild> Molten Core

Me: “Um. What’s going on?”

CL: “What?”

Me: “What happened to the swap?”

CL: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Am I going to be able to raid tonight? You said I could swap in before MC.”


CL: “I just asked the RL and he agrees that it’s not a good idea to swap. Just sign up for tomorrow.”

Me: “I already freaking told you I can’t make it tomorrow. You could have told me I couldn’t come an hour ago and I wouldn’t be so upset.”

CL: “Sorry, I guess.”

<Heads back to town.>

Me: “Just so you know. I am not satisfied with this resolution, and will bring this up with the guild leadership.”

CL: “Whatever.”

<I logout so hot with anger that theres a good chance of actual fire was shooting out of my eyes.>

That was the actual conversation. It’s still burned in my memory. My first night back and I spend 2 of the 4 hours waiting for an invite that never came.

On the forums, I privately messaged the raid leader and the guild leaders who I knew pretty well and had chatted with often during my downtime. I knew all of them well enough to know their real names, and considered them as close to friends as you can get online. I figured that I’d at least get “Sorry Z, good to have you back. We’ll make sure you get into the next raid you can make.”

Instead, I got the curt message saying they would discuss it at the next leadership meeting next week. I asked a few weeks later if anything was resolved seeing as I happened to be out of town that next week, but got a reply of “I don’t remember. By the way, are you new here?” That was it. I didn’t even bother to reply. Eventually, the guild blew up due to the 40-man to 10-man to 25-man raid progression in BC, and I transferred servers to play with my brother (who I freaking bought WoW for, but didn’t sign up on my server).

The lesson here folks is that friends on WoW are not real friends. Seriously. I’ve met a lot of people online. I know their names, their spouse, what country/state they live in, where they went/go to school, what their job is, what they study, what classes their taking, but when I go back to say ‘hi,’ the reply is always: “who are you?”

If anyone ever sees Gilraen, Spellcasta/Spelcasta, or Dionysiah on Nazjatar, give them a link to this page for me.



  1. nigiri said,

    Try not to throw the baby out with the bath water so to speak. I had a similar experience to yours. In fact, I leveled my fishing around the few weeks that my wife was due with my daughter because I couldn’t start a raid knowing that I could be pulled away – 40 man content required a big comittment.. My guild at the time were running Naxx 5 days a week without me and continued to after my daughter was born. I lost touch with many of the members over those months. When I came back, it was no longer my guild.

    I have made some lifelong friends on WoW from all around North America ** but ** they are few and far between. Kind of like the people you hang out with at work: some are just ‘work friends’ that you wouldn’t see outside of the office, but a very small percentage are friends you would hang out with and get to know. It sounds like the people in your guild are simply playing the game for themselves. Nothing wrong with that, but good to know before hand.

    I since transferred to another realm to play with friends (and dragged some of my new friends along). We have found a nice casual guild that lets me raid once or twice a week. Do some research on guilds and raiding times that suit you. I get the feeling that you play this game more for social reasons than any other – I do as well. Contrary to popular belief, there is a ‘perfect’ guild for you.

  2. Pike said,

    I’m sorry to hear about all of that =/ Though to be honest the friends I have made on WoW through my guild are very good ones, as are many of the friends I have met elsewhere online, some of whom have been with me through thick and thin for years. But then again I might be biased– I met my boyfriend (of three years and counting) online.

  3. Faeldray said,

    That’s really too bad that that happened to you but I agree with Nigiri on this. Of the majority of people you meet, online or IRL, you’re not going to be great friends with for all time. I’ve had people in the game disappear on me, never to be seen again, dispite the fact that we had a blast together. I also had my best friend of 4 years change into a person I didn’t know and so we grew apart and I haven’t talked to her in years.

    However, like Pike, I meet my boyfriend (of about 4 years now and he’s moved in with me) online. Sometimes things work out, the rest of the time they don’t. I’d be pissed off at them too for what they did but eventually you’ll forget about those a$$hats and move on.

  4. yunk said,

    I think there are 2 lessons
    One is yes, they aren’t friends. I have a great guild on LOTRO of people who actually see each other outside of the game, but that is a real exception. I think the comparison to “work friends” is really correct. Not even that close.

    The second is that when a game requires organization, then it requires management skills and leaders following the rules set out as well. The CL and other leadership handled that horribly. It’s not enough to say “the peons have to follow rules and do this and that”, management has to work too. This is not just about WoW but any game.

    For instance if you volunteer to run a volleyball league then you have a responsibility to actually run it. You can’t not do your job and say “it’s just a volleyball league” when you have 40 people and their schedules and needs to contend with. Everyone has to do their part. And when the leaders slack off or break rules whenever they feel like it the guild explodes, which is what happened.

    That is why some of the best guild leaders I’ve had have management experience in real life. Those are usually more casual too since they’re older and have other priorities.

  5. Charlie said,

    this is very similar to how I would have handled the situation. I used to be an officer (and raid leader) and having to deal with invites was one of the biggest stress points I ever had.

    Did the CL know you from before? Did the RL?

    More than likely that Hunter CL had a solid rotation going, and you were trying to get into something that was already established. Thats not eazy to do. On top of that, you don’t know how many times I missed invites completley by accident or the website didn’t update correctly. The officers try hard, but its a big responsibility, and for someone who seems like they were fairly new at the position (2 months maybe? i dont know), its eazy to see how he could screw it up.

    Secondly. Raiding for most guilds, especially back in the day, was not about friendship, it was about getting shit down and progressing. (it sounded like) You expected a raid spot because you were an old friend of the guild, and becase you had the best gear. Only the second one matters. And if people dont know you, don’t know your gear, don’t know your situation, to them your just another hunter.

    I’m sure if you stuck around and explained your situation to the CL, RL, and GM, you could have made sure you gotten into a raid that one night beforehand. But you would ahve needed to tell them beforehand whats going on.

    The “by the way are you new here” is kinda shady though”. Like really shady. I guess if you were never a CL or officer that kind of stuff can happen. If that ever happened to me with my old guild (the one i was an officer in). I would be reaaaaly salty.

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