He Died… With His Muscles

October 23, 2007 at 9:56 am (stories, Warcraft, World of Warcraft)

If you’ve been wondering why there haven’t been many updates lately given all the new hunter news and 2.3 being awesome in general, it’s because I’ve been writing a story about the Worgen. I’m really not much of a writer, so I don’t know what I’m going to do with it.


I thought I might eventually put it on the role-play forums, so I went over there to see what’s going on, and what a typical story looks like there. I found my answer with this great post. Text follows (not my story by the way).

So there I was, right? It was me against a crapload of Alliance dudes, right? Oh, and my mates were there too. We were in some kind of battlefield, probably Arathi Gulch… or Alterac Basin.

Then, there was, like, a dramatic effect, right? Leaf blowing in the background, or a drummer… uh… drumming. And all of a sudden, like, we were charging, right? And I was like, “RAAAAAAAAAH!” and they were like, “RAAAAAH!” And we ran at each other, and we all had, like, huge, gargantuan muscles. Muscles the size of horses, but the gnomes had muscles the size of ponies.

So we were like, “RAAAAAAAH!” at each other, right? And did I mention the muscles? Because there were like, huge muscles. If I had to guess how much muscles there were in that fight, I would say around… 78.3% of the total biomass in the battle was, like, purely muscles.

Then this gnome hit me on the head with a halberd and, like, a *@!#load of sparks flew off. Like, so many sparks it blinds you, like… y’ever see when a dude’s blowtorching something? Like, really really hard? And there were sparks. Oh, and by the way, I was wearing a helmet. Not one of those douchebag helmets, but it was, like, a totally badass sallet helm… no, wait, it was a bascinet. But it also had a sick-ass visor and ram horns that were like, they were like saying to the world, “biatch. You better not mess with this, biatch!”

Where was I? Did I mention the muscles? There was, like, 78.3% muscles. Oh, and sparks. Lots of sparks.

Anyways, I survived the blow, because of my helmet, which had a sickass visor. And I was like, “biatch! You better not mess with this, biatch!” and I hit him with my huge-ass claymore. It was, like, HUGE and, like, ASS. And it had muscles on it… because it’s magical… so it also had, like, sick fire. Blue fire, so it was all magical, right? Oh, and muscles.

Anyways, that gnome flew, like, fifty meters into the river, which was red by now, because a *@!#load of people with, like, a *@!#load of muscles were fighting on it. He died, I think.

Then this mage was like, “biatch! You better not mess with this, biatch!” and she threw like, an insane fireball at me. It was, seriously, the size of an elephant, right? And I was like, “oh sh-!” and I jumped out of the way, pumping my huge sick-ass leg muscles, right? But the fireball hit one of my mates and he was like “argh! I’ve been wounded!” And then I was like, “Olaf?! Olaf!!!!!! Noooooo!” and he died… with his muscles.

And then I was like, “you’re making me angry! You won’t like me when I’m angry!” And then I was like, “RAAAAAAAAAAH!” and I charged that mage (oh, and she had muscles too). And then I hit her like fifty… bajillion times, right? And she died, right? Because I hit her fifty bajillion times, you see? And my sword had muscles too. That was probably the last thing she saw. Or maybe it was my badass pickelhaube… no, wait, it was a sallet helmet. With badass ram horns that were like “biatch, you better not mess with this, biatch!”

And they had like, fifty guys on me at once, right? But I used, like, my gargantuan muscles to fend them off. And then I was like, “you! SHALL NOT PASS!” and I speared this paladin on my sword, right? Then I pulled out my pistol… oh, I had a pistol, by the way… and I shot this felhunter in the face.

And then we done won the day single-handedly due to my, like, huge, enormous muscles.

(So anyone want to post their praise for my, like, totally kickass @%#@*in’ story? Or criticism? But, like, constructive only, kk?)

What’s so funny is that 80% of the other story posts I read were really close to this (and not on purpose).

Er…., and now I have some changes to my story that have nothing to do with this… really, not at all.



  1. WyldKard said,

    Ugh, could have been funnier if it was cleaned up some, and not quite /that/ satirical.

  2. maebius said,

    Not to toot my own horn, but how’s this story? Very few big muscles here though…

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